For every animal you don't eat, I'm going to eat three.
GuitarPicker (Loyal Reader #0011) has tipped us off to the existence of a new website which encourages sponsoring vegetarians. They even have a logo:
What does it mean to sponsor a vegetarian? It means that you have to find someone in your life who's a really big pain in everyone's ass every time you want to go out to eat, and then you commit yourself to eating THREE times the amount of meat you'd normally consume to make up for all the meat that your vegetarian buddy isn't eating. It's that simple! That way, you can reverse the guilt trip that they've been laying on us for years by not only neutralizing their cause, but making it actually worse by eating more animals than would have ever been eaten had they not chosen to become vegetarians!
What if vegetarians say they don't care because we'll become fat by sponsoring them? I've thought about that already. All you have to do is exercise. I know it goes against the being lazy rule that I advocate so much, but this is so spiteful that it more than makes up for the exercise you'll have to do--which means that if you choose the 3 to 1 plan and sponsor a vegetarian, you're being so spiteful that you can't lose! If you have a choice, eat three separate types of animal to maximize your efficiency! Only offered beef? No problem: visit the zoo and eat a monkey!
I always thought that vegetarianism was extremely selective. Why is it okay to kill animals, and not plants? And why do animal rights activists only want to save the cute animals? And why do they all wear leather shoes? Besides, our ancestors fought and died for millennia to put us on top of the food chain, so how can we spit on their memory by not eating meat?
[wik] Best bumper sticker so far this year: Save a tree. Eat a beaver.
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In answer to your questions,
In answer to your questions, Buckethead: Vegetarianism IS extremely selective, even hypocritical.
Here's why my wife is veg: 1) She can't digest meat well and hasn't been able to do so since adolescence. Meat makes her physically ill. I gotta live with her, so I'm perfectly willing to support her vegetarianism. 2) Factory farming grosses her out. Ditto me. 3) Economy. We eat far cheaper as knit-your-own-yogurt vegetarians than we would if we bought chicken or beef on a regular basis.
Wanna sponsor my wife? You could sponsor my wife!
I spit on my ancestors time and again, and tonight I'm having chicken-fried buffalo tofu for dinner. I'm serious. It's actually really good.
Johno, I'll sponsor your wife
Johno, I'll sponsor your wife. I'm going to a steak dinner tomorrow night courtesy of my Valentine, another meat-eater. It was Korean BBQ that brought us together. We will celebrate with beef. What better way to tell an anemic/iron-poor girl like me that you care?
My date took us to Sam and
My date took us to Sam and Harry's for Valentine's Day. My steak was a Delmonico. Visually, it was 2x the size of my date's bone-in filet. The bartender and guests to our right were making jokes. All that was left when I was done were the bone, fatty parts and tendon. I also ate more of the broccoli than he did. My date was teasing me. He was done before I was, and just watching me continue eating and eating. Needless to say, it's over 14 hours since we left the restaurant and I'm *just* starting to get hungry. Cow is good.