perfidy

"I'm invincible!"

"You're a loony."

This is my character. Disturbingly appropriate. 

From Geek Lethal, via coded private communique, comes this January 2001 article from the Onion, covering Bush's Inaugural Address. Read it.

For you lazies, here's excerpts:

"During the 40-minute speech, Bush also promised to bring an end to the severe war drought that plagued the nation under Clinton, assuring citizens that the U.S. will engage in at least one Gulf War-level armed conflict in the next four years. You better believe we're going to mix it up with somebody at some point during my administration," said Bush, who plans a 250 percent boost in military spending. "Unlike my predecessor, I am fully committed to putting soldiers in battle situations. Otherwise, what is the point of even having a military?
On the economic side, Bush vowed to bring back economic stagnation by implementing substantial tax cuts, which would lead to a recession, which would necessitate a tax hike, which would lead to a drop in consumer spending, which would lead to layoffs, which would deepen the recession even further.

Bush had equally high praise for Attorney General nominee John Ashcroft, whom he praised as "a tireless champion in the battle to protect a woman's right to give birth."

Yeesh. It's like they had a time machine or something.

Tomorrow, when (hopefully) I am not exhausted and sore, I have on tap: genre killing; the French (again); and James Madison and Valery Giscard d'Estaing: a comparative view of constitution building in America and Europe.

In the meantime, I am going to go home and take a nap.

We forgot the Hitchhiker's Guide

That almost half of the presidents come from just three states? And that Harding's middle name is Gamaliel? And that only one president was named Stephen? And that Grant was originally Hiram Simpson Grant? And that... *smack*

Fun Facts About Syria: 

• In a fight between Syria and Aquaman, Aquaman would win since Superman couldn't just sit there and watch Aquaman get his ass kicked.
• Military estimates say that the conquering of Syria would take months... unless, of course, you don't care about all that collateral damage crap. Then it would only take a couple hours and a few beers.
• The Syrians, unlike the Romulans, cannot turn invisible.
• Syria is not in South America. and,
• Once, while everyone was distracted with an anti-Israel rally, a bunch of monkeys staged a bloodless coup. At first, people found it funny seeing the monkeys playing around in the government's capital - that was until the monkeys started ordering mass executions of dissidents. 
   

The power of diplomacy

Because "ville" is Latin for "Where hicks live."

Modern Drunkard has posted their semi-final round of Clash Of The Tightest, featuring matches between Sir Richard Burton / Charles Bukowski and Humphrey Bogart / William Faulkner. It's kickass. I strongly recommend you check out all the content on that fine site. Delicious! 
 

Yeah, "1980" should read "1984." If I recall, the thesis of 1980 was a) A Thousand Points of Light something something, and 2) Farrah Fawcett is hott! The thesis of "1984" the book version, on the other hand, is that the control of information is the first step to controlling people. I'd go so far as to call that argument a "thesis" in that it is the macguffin behind the central struggle in the book.

Sorry. I was high on toner yesterday.

It's not just with the Saudis that their populace resents the US. In general, throughout the world, if the government of a nation is a group of reprehensible thugs, the attitude of the people towards the US is inverse to the friendliness of the US to the government.

Libervasion.

It's not an invasion, it's a libervasion!

Why would a dictatorship of the proletariat be any better than any other kind of dictatorship. Dictatorship: bad. Freedom:good.

Even the most keen and incisive of political minds can be wrong from time to time. It is with some embarrassment and considerable sadness that I report that my previous speculations on which country would next be invaded have proved tragically wrong. The next country is, in fact, us. In these troubled times, there is one source that all thinking observers of the world scene can turn to for completely honest and truthful reporting. That source has revealed that North Korea has, for some time, been planning an invasion of the United States. The Weekly World News has reported that even now, there are thousands of North Korean operatives on our West Coast, cunningly disguised as insurance salesmen and preparing the way for the invincible, 800,000 strong Korean Army that is making its way to California by way of Hawaii in hundreds of Korean Junks. After they seize ships from the American Naval Base at Pearl Harbor, they will be unstoppable. Mike, you will finally have the opportunity to live in a communist worker's paradise. I'm afraid that I will be interned in a reservation much like those used for Indians (sic), only harsher. Most tragically, life for our canine friends is destined to be short as they are destined for the tables of our new Korean overlords.

The WWN also reported that we have seized the Garden of Eden, and are protecting it from Saddam's Republican Guard; and that the CIA is breeding man-eating flies for the war on terror.

Almost 8000 words in three days.

Because it's considered uncouth to have a post containing the word "douchebags" at the top of one's web log thingy, here's another post.

Windy City Mike, from what I understand it's a tough call whether Iraqis are saying "yay America!" or "up your ass" with their thumbs-up gesture. Surely many if not most Iraqis, especially in the cities, have come in contact with the Fonzie virus over the last couple decades, if only second-hand. Therefore, they must be aware that "thumbs up" means "ayyyy, Chachi!" outside the Arab world. I would direct you to our big empire/hegemony thread of a few weeks ago for supporting arguments.

On balance, many pundit-types believe it's likely that many Iraqis making the thumbs-up really are on the "Go, America!" side of the semiotic fence, but I'd like to think that Iraqis appreciate the delicious ambiguity.

"Yay America! Up your ass!"

For some reason my inner eight-year-old is really running wild today. Please excuse me with all the poopie and douchebag blather. Just think. You only read it here. Goodwife Two-Cents gets this behavior from me every single day. There's only one of her in the world!

Why?

Because it's been two full weeks since the sun shone where I live. Two DAMN weeks. Also, two weeks of temperatures below normal. It has snowed three days this week. So eff it all.

Because I'm tired. Time change. Guuh.

Because the RAVE Act, as part of the AMBER Alert package, has gone to the senate for a vote. It passed committee, and what senator is going to vote against the AMBER Alert system bill because of a pesky amendment like the RAVE Act? Buncha mendacious venal fuckwits. Thinking about that makes me tired too.

BECAUSE, THAT'S WHY! Now you kids shut up and count license plates or something. We'll be near a bathroom soon.

Two further notes:

Buckethead, I'm surprised the Thomas Jefferson bait I dangled as gone unlunched-upon.

WCM, hazut pu tizuk!

It seems that I have work to do. Is this why I have a job?! To WORK!?! Feh!