perfidy

...nothing will.

"Microsoft says next Windows won't be as annoying"

Too, too funny. This election, I'm feeling like the GM.

I've decided that rather than worry about the current economic crisis, I'm going to enjoy it. Not because I enjoy seeing people suffer, but because I have great respect for the concept of chaos, and undoings of any sort intrigue me. I love giant snowstorms, for example, not because I like snow, but because nothing thrills me more than watching Ma Nature incapacitate Cleveland as if to serve a bitch-slap reminder that she is still in charge, godammit.

So, yes, chaos, and I keep looking up at CNN to watch the Dow drop lower and lower and lower. As I type this, it's thinking about dropping below 8,000. Fascinating. This makes me wonder. If the market, say, drops to zero, what happens? Will all the bespectacled brokers on the market floor snap entirely and turn on each other, feasting on each other's flesh and triumphantly waving human femurs in the air as the big electronic screens rain sparks on the bedlam below? That might be fun.

When we hit the zero mark, does that mean we just bag money entirely and go back to being agrarian? I've given this substantial thought, and I'm considering that the best investment any smart American could make right now is in the Sheep Industry. You know, for barter. I have a rather substantial backyard that I believe could accommodate a head of sheep, assuming that a "head" constitutes a number less than 50. Mapgirl has already agreed to help with shearing and wool processing. I think I'd also plant stuff so we could eat.

Ministers, I have your backs. At the culmination of the decline of the American infrastructure, you shall all be welcome here in Cleveland Heights. I'll feed you, keep you warm, and make sure the WiFi stays churning. You bring the booze and guns.

I meant to share this one earlier. Yes, I'm pimping my strip here but this one is pretty perfidious in its nature.

Read the entire strip from infancy to present day right here. The Adventures of the S-Team...bringing teh funnay every weekday for like two and a half years 'nshit!

The only detail I remember from that night's dream was watching CNN. Tells you what kind of hair-raising shenanigans I was up to in my unconscious that Saturday night, when friggin' CNN was the most memorable piece of it.

The dream basically ended with me reading CNN's ticker. The last item I saw said something along the lines of, "Fans shocked by Howard Stern's apparent suicide". I had just enough time to be surprised and puzzled by this news before I woke up and realized it hadn't really happened.

The next day, Sunday, a friend was over. As we were enjoying potent coffee and putting a dent in my son's absurdly oversized birthday cake from the day before, we were talking about the usual topics- military policy, foreign policy, non-fiction books we were reading, politics, and chicks- and CNN was on in the room. I happened to be looking at the tv when I saw the words "Howard Stern..." start to creep across the screen on the ticker, and I about fell out of my chair.

Holy shit!, I thought, did he really kill himself? Did Howard really kill himself?! And I frakking dreamed about it just a few hours before?! I'm a psychic! A precog! And how do I parlay this into a payday?

And then the rest of it came over "...weds his girlfriend in NYC".

Ah.

Well, suicide after a fashion, I suppose.

I gave myself half-credit and a little more cake.